Addressing the past and embracing the presence
I’ve been waiting for this moment—the moment when I stop making excuses and finally summon the courage to move forward. As my first post, I’d like to start with an introduction and explain why I’m here.
Hello, and thank you for your attention and curiosity. You’ve probably gathered from my welcome page that I have a lot of issues—I’m a daydreamer and a procrastinator. If you’ve checked out my social media links, you’ll know I love design, am addicted to coffee, and find inspiration in the mountains.
I’m in my mid-40s, of Asian ethnicity, living in a country where English is not the official language and my degree is unrecognized. I have two teenage daughters, and we’re a family of three. Currently, I’m working on a personal project: creating a blog where I can share and discuss topics I’m passionate about—a safe space to tell my story and hopefully more. I want this blog to be a tool for my growth.
It’s taken a long time to reach this point, mostly due to internal struggles. I wasn’t sure if it was okay to share my story or who would be interested in reading it. However, the two most important readers I hope to reach are my daughters. They may not care now, but I hope someday they will. Writing calms me and gives me the chance to reflect on my life with more compassion and empathy. It helps me be more mindful of my actions, thoughts, and feelings. These are my reasons for starting this blog.
My single parenting journey began when my daughters were 7 and 4, after a tragic accident took the life of my late husband. It was an unexpected, brutal, and confusing experience, especially for the girls. I pledged to ensure they never had to suffer through such trauma again. My goal has always been to make sure they feel loved, heard, and protected. Thanks to insurances, financial stability allowed me to focus on giving them my full attention and a safe home. It seemed like a straightforward recipe for raising two healthy and happy human beings. But any parent of teenagers knows it’s never that simple.
Despite not needing to work, I had a strong desire for personal growth and development, so I started an online business. I went into it knowing failure was a possibility, but I wanted to learn. There were good years and bad years, but eventually, the demands became overwhelming, and I decided it was time for a reset.
Resetting at 40+
As part of that reset, I went back to school to complete my German C1 level and took an online Introduction to Psychology course with Oxford University, a subject close to my heart. I picked up a new hobby, which led to other new opportunities. I closed my online retail business. I downsized our home and moved to a new canton with better public facilities. I enrolled in a postgraduate course in Digital Marketing at a business school in Zurich. Parallel to the course, I used my new skills to help improve the digital presence of friends’ businesses. My plan was to find an internship in Digital Marketing after completing the course and hopefully able to move on from there.
I graduated with a Swiss Diploma in Digital Marketing, but it was during the pandemic. Looking back, I’m not sure if the pandemic impacted my job search or if it was simply the challenges of entering a new field at my age. I had interviews, but no one seemed willing to take in a 42-year-old intern, even for volunteer positions. Entry-level jobs required at least a year of experience in similar role, native German proficiency, and candidates ten years younger.
I tried not let these turndowns effect me and kept on trying. Eventually, I landed a job as an All-Rounder, providing customer service to premium passengers of the Lufthansa Group at Zurich Airport. However, I was expected to be flexible for this job. Working in shifts, hour begins at around 4am, ends at around 23.45, including weekends. I did not see where I can grow here but I needed somewhere to start for my CV. However, it did not take me long for parental guilts to take over. My teens started going through issues that I preferred not to elaborate. I revisited my list of priority in life and decided it was time to look for something more suitable timewise. Another cycle of you-are-not-good-enough began and ended.
For a while, I struggled with self-worth, feeling inadequate without a respectable professional resume. But fortunately I made it to this place in mind where I learned that personal growth can be achieved in many ways and doesn’t require validation from others. I have got to work for myself, not against myself.
So, as part of my reset, I have learned to…
- Let go of things that no longer serve me
- Invest in myself through learning
- Understand that all of my experiences are part of my growth
- Recognising that my priorities are unique to myself
- Be kinder to myself
- Appreciate the value of the growth mindset
- Be resilience to the invisible forces and unrealistic expectations that come from outside of myself
My current state, vision and projection…
Ultimately, we all share the common goal of living a happy and healthy life. Happiness comes in different forms and is relative to each individual. For me, living intentionally each day brings happiness. This means acknowledging small joys, like making time for hobbies, learning new things, and appreciating life’s simple pleasures. I live with the awareness that some days are better than others and that everything is temporary. While I have goals, my primary focus is on being present in each moment.
You might think I have it all figured out, but I still have worries and anxieties. They will accompany me on my journey of personal growth. This blog is crucial for me as it provides an outlet for these thoughts and experiences.
Currently, I am taking time away from the working mom mentality to be as present as possible for my girls. I’m also focusing on self-care, having recently discovered I’m going through perimenopause, which explains many of my recent experiences. I look forward to sharing my thoughts on this health topic with you.
Another topic I’ll be blogging about is my love for outdoor activities, which I refer to as outdoor therapy. Nature is a significant source of positive energy for me, and I’m excited to share my experiences with you.
Recently, I’ve developed an interest in interior design. After helping a friend renovate his home, I realized how much I enjoy planning spaces. This led me to enroll in an interior design course. I hope to pursue this passion further and will have a dedicated blog section for interior design on my website.
This blog will cover a range of topics, from parenting and personal growth to outdoor activities and interior design. I’m excited about the journey ahead and grateful to have you with me.
Thank you for being here and joining me on this journey.
Yours truly,
Daow
